fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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