your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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