Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
