Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
