you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
