oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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