Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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