yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
