now i know why i became what i already was.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
