Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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