WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
