God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
