I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
