Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
