I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
