I just pynch a tree in the face
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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