she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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