Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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