You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
