ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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