Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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