i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
