Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
