my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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