but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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