My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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