honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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