remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
