walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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