I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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