My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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