i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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