So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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