i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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