This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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