Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
