Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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