OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
