we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
