Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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