Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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