Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
