There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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