That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My vagina is very pro this idea
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