so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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