so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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