Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
