The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's always time for handjobs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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