i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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