Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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