okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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