WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?