there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information