So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.