And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse