I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.