so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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