saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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