I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
