I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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