Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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