the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
