It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
