Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
