I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
