At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
