You made me cry and you don't even care
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
