I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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