worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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