Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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