I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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