just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize