I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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